Does my child need counselling?

If you’re asking yourself does my child need counselling, it can feel like a lot of pressure. It’s a difficult position to be in when your child is struggling with their emotions, and it’s not always clear when it’s time to consider the next steps. While counselling is sometimes seen as a last resort when a child is in total crisis, in reality it can help at almost any stage of growing up.

Reframed that way, the answer is usually yes. Counselling can give children and young people a way to make sense of their thoughts and feelings, helping them handle the difficult days a bit better and face challenges with more confidence.

If your child is in immediate danger, or talking about ending their life, don’t wait. Call 999 or go to A&E. If it’s urgent but not an emergency, call NHS 111. You can reach the Samaritans on 116 123, Childline on 0800 1111, or text SHOUT to 85258 at any hour. Finding Therapy is not a crisis or emergency service.

Understanding mental health in children and young people

Mental health is something we all have, just like physical health, and like our physical health it goes up and down. Children may sometimes struggle to manage their emotions, thoughts or behaviour, and that’s understandably worrying to watch.

It’s also more common than many parents realise, and you’re far from alone.

One way to help is to recognise the signs that your child might need extra support, and to understand the difference between a short-term difficulty and a more persistent one.

Are they struggling, or coping?

When we talk about children's mental health it can be confusing. Is my child just having a tough time, or is it something more serious?

Poor mental health is something we all experience. For a child, this might look like a spell of feeling sad, anxious or easily overwhelmed, perhaps after a falling out with friends or a stressful week at school. They may be tearful or more irritable than usual. The important thing is that, with your support and some space to relax, they can still manage daily life. They’re having a tough time, but they’re coping.

Counselling is worth considering when a child is struggling and doesn’t appear to be coping. This is when difficulties don’t pass with time and start to have a much bigger impact. They might find it hard to keep up with schoolwork, withdraw from friends for weeks, or become so anxious they avoid things they used to enjoy.

It’s not always easy to know where one ends and the other begins. Children can move from a tough patch into something more persistent, or bounce back naturally with the right support. You don’t need to have all the answers. What matters is noticing patterns and trusting your instinct when something doesn’t feel right.

How to know if your child might benefit from counselling

Every child goes through ups and downs; that’s completely normal. But when the difficult feelings stick around, extra support can really help. A good rule of thumb is to notice three things:

• Persistence. Do the worries or struggles seem to be settling in rather than passing?
• Distress. Does your child seem genuinely upset, anxious or overwhelmed?
• Impact. Is it getting in the way of everyday life, at school, with friends, or at home?

You don’t need to answer yes to all three. If you’re worried, that’s reason enough to ask for help.

Children show they’re struggling in different ways. Some signs are physical, like changes in sleep or frequent stomach aches with no clear cause. Others are emotional, such as a low mood that lingers or losing interest in things they once loved. You might also notice more arguments, or them pulling away from friends. No single sign means a child definitely needs counselling, but taken together they paint a picture. The YoungMinds parent guide is a useful reference for checking specific behaviours against typical patterns.

Many common difficulties have dedicated pages on our website, including anxiety, low self-esteem, depression, and EBSA.

Does counselling actually help?

For many young people, yes. In trials, young people who had talking therapy were more likely to improve than those who did not.

Those trials were about depression, but the picture is similar for other common difficulties. On average, young people who have counselling do better than those who do not, and there is good UK evidence behind it.

None of this promises a quick fix, and not every young person responds. But counselling is a well-evidenced, low-risk thing to try, and it shifts the odds in your child's favour.

You don’t have to wait for a crisis

One of the biggest worries parents have is whether their child’s distress is severe enough to deserve help. You don’t have to wait for a crisis, and you don’t have to wait for a formal diagnosis. Getting in early, while a difficulty is still small, is usually easier and quicker than waiting for it to grow.

That matters all the more because NHS services are under real pressure, and long waits are common.

That doesn’t mean the NHS is the wrong route; for many families it’s exactly right, and your GP is a good first port of call. It does mean that private counselling can be a way to get support sooner, and that acting on your instinct early is sensible rather than an overreaction. Our guides to talking to your GP and navigating CAMHS can help you weigh up the options.

Starting the conversation

If you notice persistent signs of distress, start by gently talking with your child. Ask how they’re feeling and whether anything has been worrying them. Listening without judgement is the most important part.

Depending on how they feel, they might be happy to talk to their GP, a teacher, or a counsellor. Counselling gives them a safe, neutral space to work out what is bothering them without feeling they’re letting anyone down.

What if my child doesn't want counselling?

Counselling works best when your child is willing to give it a go. If they’re reluctant, giving them some control over the process can help:

• Let them have a say in choosing their counsellor.
• Let them decide where sessions happen, whether that’s in an office or at home, online.
• Explain that it’s a private space where they can talk, draw, or use creative activities rather than words.
• Keep the invitation open. If they’re not ready now, forcing it can create a negative association.

What happens in a session?

In the first few sessions, the focus is entirely on building a genuine connection. Many young people worry that counselling will be awkward, or that they’ll be expected to sit in silence and somehow know what to say. It helps to reassure them that this isn’t how it works.

Experienced child and adolescent counsellors are skilled at building rapport. They don’t just wait for a young person to speak; they take a real interest in who they are, using easy, purposeful conversation to help them feel at ease. If a child is not sure where to start, the counsellor leads the way with different activities or topics. This might include:

• Focused activities: specific tasks or games that help the young person feel comfortable enough to share what is on their mind.
• Creative tools: drawing or storytelling to help explain feelings when words are hard.
• Practical strategies: looking at patterns in thoughts and behaviour to find better ways of coping.

Research shows that the relationship between a young person and their counsellor, the "therapeutic alliance", is consistently associated with better outcomes, whatever the type of therapy used ^[5]. That’s one reason the first few sessions matter, and why it’s worth finding a counsellor your child feels comfortable with.

Are parents involved?

While counselling is usually a private space for the young person, parents should still feel supported throughout. A good counsellor knows that for therapy to work well, there needs to be a bridge between the sessions and life at home.

Experienced therapists, like those in our team at Finding Therapy, make a point of arranging regular check-ins with parents, usually every five or six weeks. This keeps you informed about how things are progressing and how you can best support your child between sessions. Safety is always the priority: if a counsellor has a serious concern about a young person's safety, they won’t keep it to themselves. In most cases they’ll talk to you, sharing what’s needed to keep your child safe, and wherever possible letting your child know first.

How to find the right counsellor

Because the relationship matters, it helps to take your time finding the right person. Look for someone experienced with children and young people, registered with a professional body such as the BACP, who your child feels at ease with. It’s completely reasonable to try an initial session and see how it feels before committing.

At Finding Therapy, we have a selection of counsellors who are skilled at working with children and young people aged 6 to 25. Families can review their profiles together and choose the person who feels right. If you’re not sure, you can book a free consultation with our Head of Counselling, who can help with a recommendation. Sessions are online, which many young people find easier, and cost £65 for 45 minutes. Our guide to choosing the right therapist for your child walks through what to look for.

Final thoughts

You don’t need to wait for a crisis to seek support. Counselling can help at any stage, whether a child is struggling with anxiety, low self-esteem, or simply needs a space to work through their feelings. Trusting your instinct that something is not quite right is reason enough to explore it.

If you think your child could benefit from a bit of extra help, browse our counsellors to find someone who feels like the right fit, then book a free consultation to talk it through.