When to speak to the GP about your child's mental health

As a parent, it can be hard to tell the difference between ordinary growing pains and changes that need a professional opinion. You might be asking yourself: why is my child so withdrawn lately? Is this normal for their age, or is something wrong?

We know young people need space to grow, but it’s exhausting to worry in silence that something’s not right. If you’re starting to feel there’s more to your child's changes than a difficult patch, this guide explains how to read those changes, when it’s time to book a GP appointment, and how to make that appointment count.

Is it just their age, or something more?

Some irritability and moodiness is a normal part of growing up. Hormonal shifts and the pressure of fitting in can make any young person more withdrawn at times. What you’re looking for is not the odd bad day, but a pattern that doesn’t lift.

The most useful thing to watch is not the intensity of a mood, but the recovery time. Typical ups and downs are usually reactive. Your child might be short-tempered after a hard day at school or a fall-out with a friend, but they still have windows of normality. They laugh at a video, get absorbed in a hobby, or relax when they feel safe at home. Changes worth acting on are marked by a lack of recovery: the low mood, hopelessness or overwhelm stays flat and doesn’t lift, even when the thing that caused it has passed. When the difficult mood becomes their everyday baseline and they no longer bounce back to themselves, it’s no longer just a rough patch.

The teenage years matter here, because this is when many mental health difficulties first appear. That’s not a reason to panic, but it’s a reason to take a lasting change seriously rather than wait for it to pass.

Signs to watch for

Anxiety and low mood in children don’t always look like a child who is worried or tearful. They often show up in ways that can be mistaken for defiance, laziness or physical illness. Because children often don’t have the words to explain a racing mind or a flat mood, their body does the talking for them ^[2].

You might notice:

• Physical complaints. Frequent stomach aches, headaches, or feeling faint, often worse on school mornings or before social events. These are some of the most common signs in anxious children ^[3]. Around seven in ten children with depression also have significant physical complaints, compared with about a third of children who are not depressed ^[4].
• Avoidance. Pulling out of clubs, parties or school. Avoidance is the hallmark of anxiety: the more a child avoids, the more their brain treats the situation as dangerous.
• Reassurance seeking. Constant questions about the future, or needing you close by far more than usual. This is an attempt to find certainty when the world feels unpredictable.
• Sleep disruption. Trouble falling asleep because of a racing mind, waking in the night, or suddenly wanting to sleep all day to escape how they feel. Disrupted sleep is a genuine warning sign, not just a habit ^[5].
• Apathy. A sudden "I don't care" about things that used to matter to them, such as grades, sport or how they look.

One or two of these on their own may be nothing. It’s the cluster, and the fact that it lasts, that’s worth paying attention to.

When home is the only place they let go

Many parents are told by school that their child is fine, only for that same child to fall apart the moment they walk through the front door. This is sometimes called restraint collapse. Your child has spent all day using every ounce of energy to hold it together in public, and when they get home, they finally feel safe enough to let go.

If your child seems fine at school but falls apart at home, trust what you see at home. The GP needs to know about the child you see behind closed doors, not just the one the teacher sees in class. That exhaustion is a strong signal that the everyday demands of life have become too heavy to carry.

Losing interest in the things that used to light them up

One of the clearer signs that something more is going on is a shift in what your child cares about. Young people go through phases and swap one interest for another all the time. What’s different here is a loss of the ability to enjoy things at all, which clinicians call anhedonia. It tends to track with how serious the low mood is, more than irritability does ^[6].

If your child has stopped doing the one thing that used to light them up, whether that’s gaming, football, art or seeing friends, and has not replaced it with anything else, it’s worth looking into. It suggests their inner world is so taken up with just getting through the day that there is no room left for enjoying things.

When to book a GP appointment

You don’t need to wait for a crisis to speak to a doctor. Acting early is usually easier than trying to turn things around once they’ve reached breaking point. Many clinicians suggest using three simple questions, the three Ds, to help you decide whether it’s time for a professional view.

1. Duration. Have these changes lasted more than two or three weeks?
2. Distress. Does your child seem genuinely overwhelmed, unhappy, or unable to find joy in anything?
3. Disruption. Are the changes getting in the way of school, friendships, sleep, or family life?

If you recognise this pattern, it’s a good time to book a GP appointment. The doctor can also rule out physical causes, such as low iron, thyroid problems or vitamin D deficiency, which can mimic the symptoms of anxiety and low mood.

It’s natural to worry that you’re overreacting, or that going early is a fuss over nothing. The evidence points the other way. Early support for anxiety and low mood in young people is promising, and it tends to improve access and ease distress rather than make things worse ^[8]. Getting help is not just something to reach for at the last minute.

Why acting early matters

It helps to know what’s at stake, because it makes the decision to pick up the phone feel less like a fuss and more like looking after your child's future.

When anxiety and low mood go unsupported, one of the first things to suffer is school. In a national survey of British children, depression was linked to more than three times the rate of school absence, and anxiety to nearly twice the rate, compared with children who had no emotional difficulty.

Missed school is not just about lessons. It can knock a young person's confidence, friendships and sense of belonging, and over time it can affect exam results and the choices open to them later. A UK study that followed children into their twenties found that lasting anxiety and depression were linked to difficulties with education and employment in early adulthood ^[11].

None of this is written in stone. These are patterns across large groups, not a prediction about your child, and the effects are far from fixed. The point of acting early is exactly this: with the right support at the right time, the path changes.

How to prepare for the appointment

GP appointments are short, often only ten minutes, so it pays to go in focused. The single most useful thing you can do is also the simplest: say your worry out loud, and be specific, rather than hoping they’ll ask the right questions.

That matters more than it sounds. In one UK study, when parents did not raise their concern, GPs spotted the child's mental health problem in only about a quarter of cases. When parents actually voiced the worry in the appointment, that jumped to nearly nine in ten. The catch is that only about a third of worried parents said anything.

Being specific means describing function rather than feelings. Doctors are trained to look for the impact on daily life, so that’s what to bring them. Instead of "my child seems sad and anxious", try something concrete, for example:

• "My child has stopped eating dinner with us and spends most of the day alone in their room."
• "My child has not been able to go to football for three weeks because they feel sick with nerves."
• "My child is struggling to get into school most mornings and has not finished any homework this month."

It helps to jot down a few of these before you go, with rough dates. If self-harm or thoughts of suicide are part of the picture, say so plainly and use those words. It’s hard to say out loud, but it helps your child get the right help faster.

Ask for a double appointment

If you’re worried your child will not speak openly in front of you, or you want to share concerns that might upset them to hear, you can ask for a double appointment. That gives the GP time to talk to you for a few minutes, then spend time one to one with your child. It often leads to a more honest picture.

What happens next

Your GP might suggest a short period of watching and waiting, or refer your child to local services or CAMHS. It’s worth knowing that GPs find children's mental health genuinely hard to assess in a short appointment, and that referral thresholds are not always clear even to them ^[14]. That’s not a reason to lose heart, but it’s a reason to be clear and to keep asking questions.

If you feel the situation is urgent, it’s fine to ask directly: what are the criteria for a referral, and what do we do if things get worse while we wait? Parents often say the hardest part is feeling unheard, so a clear, specific description of how your child's daily life is affected is your strongest tool ^[15].

A few practical things help:

• Ask for a copy of the referral or the notes from the appointment. This creates a record you can use if you need to follow up with school or other services later.
• Ask what support is available while you wait, as a wait for CAMHS can be long. If your child is referred to CAMHS, our guide to navigating CAMHS waiting lists explains what to expect and how to advocate along the way.
• Share the information with school. Our guide to talking to school about your child's mental health can help you get support in place there too.

Some services also accept a self-referral without going through the GP, so it’s worth asking your GP or checking your local NHS services what is available in your area.

Where to get help

Seeking a professional opinion is a proactive step. Whether it turns out to be a passing phase that needs a little extra patience, or something that needs ongoing support, having a clear medical view helps you move forward as a team.

If the NHS wait feels too long, or you’d like support alongside it, Finding Therapy is a private route providing counselling to children and young people aged 6 to 25. There is no GP referral needed and no long wait. You can look through our counselling directory to see who’d be a good fit, or our clinical lead, Helen Spiers, will help you choose, so your child is paired with someone suited to them.

Finding Therapy is not a crisis service. If your child is in immediate danger, or is talking about suicide or self-harm, contact your GP urgently or call NHS 111, call Samaritans on 116 123, call PAPYRUS HopeLine 24/7 on 0300 102 2470, or go to A&E or call 999.