When to speak to the GP about your child's mental health

It can be hard to tell the difference between ordinary growing pains and changes that need a professional opinion. You might be asking yourself: why is my child so withdrawn lately? Is this normal for their age, or is something wrong?

We know young people need space to grow, but it’s exhausting to worry in silence that something is not right. If you’re starting to feel there’s more to your child’s changes than a difficult patch, this guide can help. It explains how to read those changes, when it’s time to book a GP appointment, and how to make that appointment count.

Is it just their age, or something more?

Some irritability and moodiness is a normal part of growing up. Hormonal shifts and the pressure of fitting in can make any young person more withdrawn at times. What you’re looking for is not the odd bad day, but a pattern that doesn’t lift.

One useful thing to watch is not just the intensity of a mood, but the recovery time. Typical ups and downs are usually reactive. Your child might be short-tempered after a hard day at school or a fall-out with a friend, but they still have windows of normality. They laugh at a video, get absorbed in a hobby, or relax when they feel safe at home. Changes worth acting on are often marked by a lack of recovery: the low mood, hopelessness or overwhelm stays flat and doesn’t lift, even when the thing that caused it has passed. When the difficult mood becomes their everyday baseline and they no longer bounce back to themselves, it may be more than a rough patch.

The teenage years matter here, because this is when many mental health difficulties first appear. That is not a reason to panic, but it’s a reason to take a lasting change seriously rather than wait for it to pass.

Signs to watch for

Anxiety and low mood in children don’t always look like a child who is worried or tearful. They often show up as changes in behaviour that are easy to read as something else. Distress can also show up in their body: unexplained aches and pains often go hand in hand with anxiety and low mood in children and teenagers ^[2].

You might notice:

• Physical complaints. Frequent stomach aches or headaches, often worse on school mornings or before social events. These are some of the most common physical complaints in anxious children ^[3]. Low mood can show up in the body too. One US study from 1991 found that children with depression were about twice as likely to have significant physical complaints as other children seen by the same mental health services who were not depressed ^[4].
• Avoidance. Pulling out of clubs, parties or school. Avoidance is common with anxiety. It can bring short-term relief, but over time it can make the situation feel more frightening.
• Reassurance seeking. Constant questions about the future, or needing you close by far more than usual. This can be a way of looking for certainty when the world feels unpredictable.
• Sleep disruption. Trouble falling asleep because of a racing mind, waking in the night, or suddenly wanting to sleep all day to escape how they feel. Disrupted sleep can be a genuine warning sign, not just a habit ^[5].
• Apathy. A sudden "I don't care" about things that used to matter to them, such as grades, sport or how they look.

These are prompts, not a checklist, and some of these changes can have other causes. One or two on their own may not mean much. It’s a cluster that lasts, or anything that worries you, that’s worth paying attention to.

When home is the only place they let go

Many parents are told by school that their child is fine, only for that same child to fall apart the moment they walk through the front door. This is sometimes called restraint collapse. One way to understand it is that some children use a great deal of energy holding it together at school, then let go once they feel safe at home.

If your child seems fine at school but falls apart at home, trust what you see at home. The GP needs to know about the child you see behind closed doors, not just the one the teacher sees in class. That exhaustion can be a sign that everyday demands have become too much.

Losing interest in the things that used to light them up

A shift in what your child cares about can be a sign that something more is going on. Young people go through phases and swap one interest for another all the time. What’s different here is a loss of the ability to enjoy things at all, which clinicians call anhedonia. In teenagers with depression, it’s more closely linked to how serious the depression is than irritability is ^[6].

If your child has stopped doing the one thing that used to light them up, whether that’s gaming, football, art or seeing friends, and has not replaced it with anything else, it’s worth looking into. It can mean they are so taken up with just getting through the day that there is little room left for enjoying things.

When to book a GP appointment

You don’t need to wait for a crisis to speak to a doctor. Getting support early can make things easier to manage. When you’re deciding whether it’s time for a professional view, it can help to think about three things, which we call the "3 Ds":

1. Duration. Do these changes seem to be settling in rather than passing?
2. Distress. Does your child seem genuinely overwhelmed, unhappy, or unable to find joy in anything?
3. Disruption. Are the changes getting in the way of school, friendships, sleep, or family life?

If you recognise any of these, or you’re worried for any other reason, it’s a good time to book a GP appointment. The GP can also check whether a physical health problem could be playing a part, as some can cause symptoms similar to anxiety or low mood.

It’s natural to worry that you’re overreacting, or that going early is a fuss over nothing. The evidence points the other way. Early support for anxiety and low mood in young people is promising, and research suggests it can improve access to help and ease distress ^[8]. Getting help is not just something to reach for at the last minute.

Why acting early matters

It helps to know what’s at stake, because it makes the decision to pick up the phone feel less like a fuss and more like looking after your child's future.

When anxiety and low mood go unsupported, school is often where it shows. In a national survey of British children from 2004, those with anxiety or depression missed more school than children without either, and those with depression missed the most.

Missed school is not just about lessons. It can knock a young person's confidence, friendships and sense of belonging, and over time it can affect exam results and the choices open to them later. A UK study that followed children into their twenties found that lasting anxiety and depression were linked to difficulties with education and employment in early adulthood ^[11].

None of this is written in stone. These are patterns across large groups, not a prediction about your child, and the effects are far from fixed. That’s why acting early matters: the right support at the right time can make a real difference.

How to prepare for the appointment

GP appointments are short, often only ten minutes, so it pays to go in focused. One of the most useful things you can do is also the simplest: say your worry out loud, and be specific, rather than hoping they’ll ask the right questions.

That matters more than it sounds. In one UK study from 2004, GPs were far more likely to spot a child’s mental health problem when the parent said they were worried about it. Yet only about a third of worried parents said anything.

Being specific means describing function rather than feelings. Doctors are trained to look for the impact on daily life, so that’s what to bring them. Instead of "my child seems sad and anxious", try something concrete, for example:

• "My child has stopped eating dinner with us and spends most of the day alone in their room."
• "My child has not been able to go to football for three weeks because they feel sick with nerves."
• "My child is struggling to get into school most mornings and has not finished any homework this month."

It helps to jot down a few of these before you go, with rough dates. If self-harm or thoughts of suicide are part of the picture, say so plainly and use those words. It’s hard to say out loud, but it helps your child get the right help.

If you believe your child is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E. If you’re worried about their safety, contact your GP and ask for an urgent appointment, or call NHS 111 and choose the mental health option. You don’t have to be sure how serious it is before asking for help. If you’re unsure, call NHS 111.

Ask for a double appointment

If you’re worried your child will not speak openly in front of you, or you want to share concerns that might upset them to hear, you can ask for a double appointment. That gives the GP time to talk to you for a few minutes, then spend time one to one with your child. This can help give a more honest picture.

What happens next

Your GP might suggest a short period of watching and waiting, or refer your child to local services or CAMHS. GPs find children’s mental health genuinely hard to assess in a short appointment, and referral thresholds are not always clear even to them ^[14]. That is not a reason to lose heart, but it’s a reason to be clear and to keep asking questions.

If you’re worried things could get worse, it’s fine to ask directly: what are the criteria for a referral, and what do we do if things get worse while we wait? Parents often say feeling unheard or dismissed is one of the biggest barriers, so a clear, specific description of how your child’s daily life is affected is your strongest tool ^[15].

A few practical things help:

• Ask for a copy of the referral or the notes from the appointment. This creates a record you can use if you need to follow up with school or other services later.
• Ask what support is available while you wait, as a wait for CAMHS can be long. If your child is referred to CAMHS, our guide to navigating CAMHS waiting lists explains what to expect and how to advocate along the way.
• Share the information with school. Our guide to talking to school about your child's mental health can help you get support in place there too.

Some services also accept a self-referral without going through the GP, so it’s worth asking your GP or checking your local NHS services what is available in your area.

Where to get help

Seeking a professional opinion is a proactive step. Whether it turns out to be a passing phase that needs a little extra patience, or something that needs ongoing support, having a clear medical view helps you move forward as a team.

At Finding Therapy, you can browse our counsellors and choose someone for your child yourself. We’ve vetted every one of them, and we’ve known them for years. If you’d like help choosing, you can book a free consultation with Helen Spiers, our Head of Counselling. We’re a private, paid service with no GP referral needed and currently no waiting list, and we work with children and young people aged 6 to 25. Counselling is not a replacement for an NHS assessment where one is needed.

Finding Therapy is not a crisis or emergency service. If you believe your child is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E. If you’re worried about their safety, contact your GP and ask for an urgent appointment, or call NHS 111 and choose the mental health option. You don’t have to be sure how serious it is before asking for help. If you’re unsure, call NHS 111. Your child can also talk to Childline free and in confidence on 0800 1111, call Samaritans on 116 123 at any hour, or text SHOUT to 85258.