Suicidal thoughts

There are few things more frightening for a parent than the thought that their child might not want to be alive. If you’re reading this because your child has said something that scared you, or because you have a feeling that something is very wrong, take a breath. Suicidal thoughts in young people are more common than most people would think, they are treatable, and with the right support many young people who experience them go on to feel hopeful again.

If you’re worried about your child's safety, please act now. Contact your GP and ask for an urgent appointment, or call NHS 111 and choose the mental health option. If you believe your child is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E. UK helplines, available at any time, include Papyrus HopeLine 24/7 (0300 102 2470, text HOPE to 88247), Samaritans (116 123), and Childline (0800 1111). You can also text SHOUT to 85258.

This guide is for parents who are worried that their child may be having thoughts of suicide. It covers what suicidal thoughts are, why young people have them, how to talk about them, what to do, and how counselling fits in. It is written to help you respond with calm and care, because that’s what helps most.

What are suicidal thoughts?

Suicidal thoughts, sometimes called suicidal ideation, are thoughts about ending one's own life. They exist on a wide spectrum.

At one end are passive thoughts: "I wish I wasn't here." "I don't want to wake up tomorrow." "Everyone would be better off without me." These thoughts are a sign of real and serious distress, but they are not the same as wanting to die or planning to act. Further along the spectrum are more active thoughts, which may include thinking about methods, making plans, or feeling a pull toward acting. These need urgent professional involvement. Wherever a thought sits on this spectrum it needs a prompt, caring response. The spectrum is there to help you understand what your child may be going through, not to work out for yourself how safe they are.

The most important thing for parents to understand is this: having suicidal thoughts does not always mean a young person wants to die. Very often, it means they are in pain and cannot, in that moment, see another way for the pain to stop. The thought is about ending the suffering, not ending the life. This distinction matters, because it points to what helps: not panic, but helping the young person find other routes out of the pain, and getting the right support around them.

UK research on self-harm and suicide in adolescents, including Hawton, Saunders and O'Connor's major review in The Lancet^[1], sets out how common self-harm and suicidal thinking are in adolescence, and how many different things feed into them. They emerge across all kinds of families. Many young people have a passing suicidal thought at some point and never come close to acting on it. That does not make any such thought safe to ignore. It means every mention deserves a calm, serious, caring response, and professional input.

What suicidal thoughts can look like

Suicidal thoughts are not always spoken aloud. Some young people say directly that they want to die or disappear. Others hide it completely. Possible signs include:

• Talking about wanting to die, disappear, or "not be here", even in passing or as a joke.
• Expressing hopelessness, despair, or a sense that things will never get better.
• Self-harm, or talking about self-harm. Our self-harm hub covers this.
• Withdrawing from friends, family, and activities they used to value.
• Giving away possessions, or saying goodbye in ways that feel final.
• Sudden mood changes, agitation, or irritability.
• A sudden, unexpected calm after a long period of distress.
• Changes in eating or sleeping.

It is also true that some young people show no obvious signs at all, hiding their feelings to avoid worrying the people they love. This is why an open, ongoing, calm relationship in which a young person knows they can say anything to you matters so much, and why it’s always worth asking if you have a feeling that something is wrong.

Why young people experience suicidal thoughts

There is no single cause. Suicidal thoughts usually arise when a young person feels trapped, hopeless, or unable to imagine things ever feeling better. They may be carrying:

• Depression or anxiety. Our depression hub and anxiety hub cover both.
• Self-harm. Our self-harm hub covers the overlap.
• Bullying, isolation, or loneliness.
• Academic pressure or family difficulties.
• Trauma or loss. Our trauma hub and bereavement hub cover these.
• Low self-worth, shame, or a sense of being a burden. Our self-esteem hub covers this.
• Identity struggles, or feeling that they do not belong.

Sometimes suicidal thoughts appear suddenly, in response to a specific crisis. Sometimes they build slowly over months. Either way, they are a signal of deep distress, and they deserve a calm, compassionate, and serious response.

The myth that talking about it makes it worse

Many parents are afraid that asking their child directly about suicidal thoughts will somehow plant the idea, or make things worse. This is one of the most important myths to let go of.

Asking a young person directly and calmly whether they are having thoughts of suicide does not increase risk. The evidence is consistent, and asking openly about suicidal thoughts is part of the compassionate, collaborative assessment approach set out in NICE guidance on self-harm (NG225)^[3]. What it does is start the conversation. It tells the young person that this is something they are allowed to talk about, that you can hear it without falling apart, and that they are not alone with it. For a young person carrying these thoughts in silence, being asked, gently and with love, can be an enormous relief.

You can ask directly and simply: "Have you been having thoughts about not wanting to be here?" or "Sometimes when people feel this low, they have thoughts of ending their life. Has that been happening for you?" If the answer is yes, stay calm, thank them for telling you, and move toward getting support. The conversation itself is protective.

What it's like for parents

If you’re worried your child may want to die, you may be moving through panic, guilt, fear, anger, helplessness, and a kind of disbelief, sometimes all at once. You may be frightened of saying the wrong thing, and frightened of saying nothing.

Supporting a young person through suicidal thoughts is one of the hardest things a parent can do, and it’s not something you should carry alone. There are services whose entire purpose is to help with exactly this.

It also helps to know that your steady presence matters enormously. In a large US study that followed young people into adulthood, a stronger sense of connection with a parent was linked to lower odds of suicidal thoughts later on, and the researchers describe it as something families can genuinely change. You do not need to have the right words or all the answers. You need to be there, stay calm, keep listening, and help your child get support.

What to do

If your child is talking about suicide, or you suspect they may be having these thoughts, take it seriously and seek help straight away. The following steps help.

Stay calm and stay present: Your calm tells your child it is safe to keep talking. You do not need to have answers. Listening, and letting them know you love them and are not going anywhere, makes a real difference.

Ask directly: As above, asking gently and openly does not increase risk. It reduces fear and isolation.

Contact your GP as soon as possible: Your GP can assess the situation, offer support, and refer on to local mental health services. Ask for an urgent appointment if you’re worried.

Reduce access to means: If you are worried about immediate safety, remove or securely store medicines, sharp objects, and anything else that could be used to cause serious harm. Do this calmly and try to make it a collaborative decision with your child (some young people may become offended if they feel they’re not trusted).

Use the crisis services if you need them: NHS 111 (mental health option), the helplines at the top of this guide, and, in an emergency, 999 or A&E are all there for exactly this. Do not wait if you are seriously worried.

Look after yourself: Supporting a young person in crisis is exhausting and frightening. You need and deserve support too, whether from your GP, your own counsellor, the Samaritans, or trusted people around you. YoungMinds also runs a parents' helpline if you'd like to talk something through.

If you believe your child is in immediate danger, do not wait. Call 999 or go to A&E.

When it’s an emergency

Treat it as an emergency, and seek urgent help straight away, if your child has seriously harmed themselves, has a specific plan to end their life, has the means to act and a clear intent, or if you simply believe they are in immediate danger. In these situations, call 999 or go to A&E. If you are not sure whether it is an emergency, call NHS 111 and choose the mental health option. Trust your instincts. It is always better to seek urgent help and be reassured than to wait.

How counselling helps

Counselling has an important role in supporting young people who experience suicidal thoughts, but it’s important to be clear about where it fits. For a young person whose suicidal thoughts are part of a wider picture of depression, anxiety, low self-worth, trauma, or other distress, and where they are not in immediate crisis, counselling can help a great deal.

The three-level meta-analysis^[7] by Roest and colleagues of 99 studies on child and adolescent psychotherapy confirmed that the therapeutic relationship is one of the strongest predictors of good outcomes. For a young person who has felt hopeless and alone, the steady experience of being heard, without judgement and without an adult who is frightened of what they say, is itself part of the healing.

In practice, this work typically involves creating safety and calm, gently understanding the level of distress and risk, making sure the right resources are in place, building trust through listening and creative work, looking for small sources of hope and connection, developing coping strategies and a personalised safety plan, and working with what lies beneath the thoughts. The approach is aligned with the principles in NICE guidance on self-harm (NG225), which calls for compassionate, person-centred care and collaborative safety planning rather than checklist-led risk assessment. It is always done alongside, never instead of, the medical and crisis support a young person may need.

Finding Therapy is a counselling service, not a crisis service. We offer online counselling for children and young people, and we can provide a calm, consistent, compassionate space to explore difficult thoughts and the distress underneath them. But where a young person is at high or urgent risk, NHS and crisis services need to be involved first. We will always be honest at the consultation stage about whether our service is the right fit, and if a different service is needed, we will say so clearly and without delay.

A clinical perspective from one of our counsellors

Becky Christian, NCPS (Accred), a Finding Therapy counsellor who specialises in supporting children and young people experiencing suicidal thoughts, shares how she works in her sessions:

"For over 20 years, I've worked with children and young people across schools, local authority services, and charities, supporting those facing some of the most painful challenges. A significant part of my work has been with young people experiencing suicidal thoughts. These thoughts can emerge when life feels unbearable, when hope seems out of reach, or when painful feelings feel too heavy to carry alone. My role is to provide a safe, compassionate space where those feelings can be explored without judgement."

"When I first meet a young person who feels this way, my priority is to create safety and calm. This means gently assessing the level of risk they may be facing and making sure they (and their family) have the right resources and support in place. I know it can feel frightening to talk about suicidal thoughts, so I work at their pace, reassuring them that they don't have to share anything before they're ready."

"Alongside this, I focus on building trust - through listening, creative activities, and reliable consistency. Therapy isn't only about the thoughts themselves, but about the emotions, experiences, and pressures sitting beneath them. Together, we look for glimmers of hope, practise coping strategies, and take small steps towards reconnecting with life."

"The Finding Therapy platform can be especially helpful in this work. Creative and interactive tools give young people new ways to express feelings that might otherwise stay locked inside. We might map out "warning signs" that show when they're at risk, practise grounding and calming strategies in real time, or create a personalised safety plan they can use whenever things feel overwhelming."

"Sessions at home often help young people feel more comfortable, allowing them to practise strategies in familiar surroundings. Over time, I often see remarkable changes: a young person who once felt hopeless begins to notice small moments of calm, connection, or even joy again."

"What I most want young people and parents to know is that suicidal thoughts don't define the future. Even when life feels unbearable, change is possible. With the right support, we can find ways to feel safe, to cope, and to build towards a life that feels worth holding onto."

Why online therapy can help

For young people who are not in immediate crisis, online therapy can be a good fit. Many young people find it easier to talk about their darkest feelings from the safety and privacy of their own room, with the setting under their control, than in an unfamiliar clinic. The familiar environment also means coping strategies and safety planning can be practised where they will be used.

Therapy delivered remotely to children and young people has been found to work ^[8], and for anxiety and depression in young people, technology-assisted CBT works about as well as meeting in person ^[9]. Neither study looked specifically at suicidal thoughts, so this is general evidence about online therapy for young people rather than proof for this situation. Our piece on whether online therapy really works covers the wider evidence base.

Online counselling is not a crisis service. Where a young person is at urgent risk, the NHS and crisis routes in this guide need to come first.

Recovery: there is a way through

Suicidal thoughts are not a fixed state. They’re a signal of distress that has become unbearable, and distress, however overwhelming it feels, can ease.

Many young people who experience suicidal thoughts go on to feel better, stronger, and genuinely hopeful, especially when they’re given the space and support to talk about what is going on inside. Recovery does not mean the thoughts can never return. It means the young person learns to recognise their warning signs, has a plan and people to turn to, feels less alone, and gradually reconnects with a life that feels worth holding onto.

With consistent support, reassurance, and the right help, young people do move forward. The pain that feels permanent right now is not permanent.

A final word

If you’re worried your child is having thoughts of suicide, the most useful things to hold onto are these: you’re doing the right thing by paying attention; asking directly and calmly helps rather than harms; you do not have to carry this alone; and there is genuine hope. With the right support, many young people who experience suicidal thoughts come through them.

Please use the helplines at the top of this guide, and contact your GP, whenever you need them. If you would like ongoing counselling support for a young person who is not in immediate crisis, our counsellors are experienced in this work, alongside the medical and crisis services that some young people need. You can browse our directory of children's and young people's counsellors.

This is a hard subject to read about, especially if it is close to home. If reading this has been difficult for you, the Samaritans (116 123) are there for parents and carers too, at any time.