Suicidal thoughts

There are few things more frightening for a parent than the thought that their child might not want to be alive. If you’re reading this because your child has said something that scared you, or because you have a feeling that something is very wrong, take a breath. Suicidal thoughts in young people are more common than most people would think, the distress behind them can ease, and with the right support many young people who experience them go on to feel hopeful again.

If you’re worried about your child's safety, please act now. Contact your GP and ask for an urgent appointment, or call NHS 111 and choose the mental health option. If you believe your child is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E. UK helplines, available at any time, include Samaritans (116 123) and Childline (0800 1111, for under-19s). You can also text SHOUT to 85258.

This guide is for parents who are worried that their child may be having thoughts of suicide. It covers what suicidal thoughts are, why young people have them, how to talk about them, what to do, and how counselling fits in. It is written to help you respond with calm and care, because that can make a real difference.

What are suicidal thoughts?

Suicidal thoughts, sometimes called suicidal ideation, are thoughts about ending one's own life. They can take different forms.

Some young people wish they were not alive: "I wish I wasn't here." "I don't want to wake up tomorrow." "Everyone would be better off without me." Others think about ending their life, make plans, or feel at risk of acting. These can overlap and change over time. All of these are signs of real distress, and the words alone do not tell you how safe someone is. If your child tells you they are having suicidal thoughts, take them seriously, ask calmly about what they are experiencing, and contact your GP or NHS 111. If you believe they are in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E.

Suicidal thoughts can arise when a young person is in overwhelming distress, feels hopeless or feels trapped. A young person may want their pain to stop, may want to die, or may feel both at once or be unsure. Whatever lies behind the thoughts, what helps is the same: not panic, but a calm, compassionate response, helping the young person find other routes out of the pain, and getting the right support around them.

UK research on self-harm and suicide in adolescents, including Hawton, Saunders and O'Connor's major review in The Lancet^[1], sets out how common self-harm and suicidal thinking are in adolescence, and how many different things feed into them. They emerge across all kinds of families. Many young people have a passing suicidal thought at some point and never come close to acting on it. That does not make any such thought safe to ignore. It means every mention deserves a calm, serious, caring response, and professional input.

What suicidal thoughts can look like

Suicidal thoughts are not always spoken aloud. Some young people say directly that they want to die or disappear. Others hide it completely. Possible signs include:

• Talking about wanting to die, disappear, or "not be here", even in passing or as a joke.
• Expressing hopelessness, despair, or a sense that things will never get better.
• Self-harm, or talking about self-harm. Our self-harm hub covers this.
• Withdrawing from friends, family, and activities they used to value.
• Giving away possessions, or saying goodbye in ways that feel final.
• Sudden mood changes, agitation, or irritability.
• A marked or unexpected change in mood or behaviour, especially after a period of severe distress.
• Changes in eating or sleeping.

These signs are not a checklist, and some of them can have other causes. It is also true that some young people have suicidal thoughts without showing obvious changes, hiding their feelings to avoid worrying the people they love. This is why an open, ongoing, calm relationship in which a young person knows they can say anything to you matters so much, and why it’s always worth asking, and seeking support, if you have a feeling that something is wrong.

Why young people experience suicidal thoughts

There is no single cause. Suicidal thoughts usually arise when a young person feels trapped, hopeless, or unable to imagine things ever feeling better. They may be carrying:

• Depression or anxiety. Our depression hub and anxiety hub cover both.
• Self-harm. Our self-harm hub covers the overlap.
• Bullying, isolation, or loneliness.
• Academic pressure or family difficulties.
• Trauma or loss. Our trauma hub and bereavement hub cover these.
• Low self-worth, shame, or a sense of being a burden. Our self-esteem hub covers this.
• Feeling that they do not belong, or facing rejection or discrimination because of who they are.

Sometimes suicidal thoughts appear suddenly, in response to a specific crisis. Sometimes they build slowly over months. Either way, they are a signal of deep distress, and they deserve a calm, compassionate, and serious response.

The myth that talking about it makes it worse

Many parents are afraid that asking their child directly about suicidal thoughts will somehow plant the idea, or make things worse. This is one of the most important myths to let go of.

Asking a young person directly and calmly whether they are having thoughts of suicide does not appear to increase suicidal thoughts. Research reviews have found this consistently, and asking openly about suicidal thoughts is part of the compassionate, collaborative assessment approach set out in NICE guidance on self-harm (NG225)^[3]. What it does is start the conversation. It tells the young person that this is something they are allowed to talk about, that you can hear it without falling apart, and that they are not alone with it. For a young person carrying these thoughts in silence, being asked, gently and with love, can be an enormous relief.

You can ask directly and simply: "Have you been having thoughts about not wanting to be here?" or "Sometimes when people feel this low, they have thoughts of ending their life. Has that been happening for you?" If the answer is yes, stay calm, thank them for telling you, and move toward getting support. Being asked can help your child feel heard and make it easier to find the support they need. It is an important first step, but it does not replace professional support or an assessment of their safety.

What it's like for parents

If you’re worried your child may want to die, you may be moving through panic, guilt, fear, anger, helplessness, and a kind of disbelief, sometimes all at once. You may be frightened of saying the wrong thing, and frightened of saying nothing.

Supporting a young person through suicidal thoughts is one of the hardest things a parent can do, and it’s not something you should carry alone. There are services whose entire purpose is to help with exactly this.

Your steady presence can help. In a large US study that followed young people into adulthood, a stronger sense of connection with a parent was linked to lower odds of suicidal thoughts later on, and the researchers describe it as something families can change. A close relationship cannot guarantee safety or replace professional care, but it is an important source of connection. You do not need to have the right words or all the answers. You need to be there, stay calm, keep listening, and help your child get support.

What to do

If your child is talking about suicide, or you suspect they may be having these thoughts, take it seriously and seek help straight away. The following steps can help.

Stay calm and stay present: Responding calmly and listening without judgement may help your child feel more able to talk about what they are experiencing. You do not need to have answers. Listening, and letting them know you love them and are not going anywhere, can make a real difference.

A small US study of young people who had been seen in hospital or clinic after suicidal thoughts or an attempt found that those who felt supported when they told someone were less likely to attempt suicide over the following year than those who felt unsupported. It is a link rather than a guarantee, but it suggests a supportive response can matter.

Ask directly: As above, asking calmly and openly does not appear to increase risk, and it can ease fear and isolation.

Contact your GP as soon as possible: Your GP can assess the situation, offer support, and refer on to local mental health services. Ask for an urgent appointment if you’re worried.

Reduce access to means: If you are worried about your child's safety, ask your GP or NHS 111 (mental health option) for advice about making medicines and anything else that could cause serious harm harder to reach, and involve your child in this where you can. If you believe they are in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E.

Use the crisis services if you need them: NHS 111 (mental health option), the helplines at the top of this guide, and, if you believe your child is in immediate danger, 999 or A&E. Do not wait if you are worried.

Look after yourself: Supporting a young person in crisis is exhausting and frightening. You need and deserve support too, whether from your GP, your own counsellor, the Samaritans, or trusted people around you. YoungMinds also offers support for parents, currently by webchat on weekdays.

If you believe your child is in immediate danger, do not wait. Call 999 or go to A&E.

If you are worried about their immediate safety

Treat it as an emergency, and seek urgent help straight away, if your child has seriously harmed themselves or if you believe they may act on these thoughts or are in immediate danger. In these situations, call 999 or go to A&E. If you are not sure whether it is an emergency, call NHS 111 and choose the mental health option. It is always better to seek urgent help and be reassured than to wait.

How counselling helps

Finding Therapy is a counselling service, not a crisis service. If you believe your child is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E. For any other worries about their safety, contact your GP or NHS 111 (mental health option) first.

If one of our counsellors becomes worried about your child's safety, they will follow their own safeguarding procedures. Depending on your child's age and the situation, this may mean talking to you about next steps, such as an urgent GP appointment or, in an emergency, calling 999 or going to A&E. Where it is needed, they may also contact your child's GP.

Counselling can offer support to young people who experience suicidal thoughts, but it’s important to be clear about where it fits. For a young person whose suicidal thoughts are part of a wider picture of depression, anxiety, low self-worth, trauma, or other distress, and where they are not in immediate danger, counselling can offer a supportive space to explore that distress, their relationships and what may be feeding the thoughts. It does not replace urgent assessment or specialist NHS mental health care when these are needed.

The three-level meta-analysis^[7] by Roest and colleagues of 99 studies on child and adolescent psychotherapy found that the therapeutic relationship is consistently associated with better outcomes. For a young person who has felt hopeless and alone, the steady experience of being heard, without judgement and without an adult who is frightened of what they say, can itself be part of the healing.

In practice, this work typically involves creating safety and calm, understanding the young person's distress and any immediate concerns about their safety, making sure the right resources are in place, building trust through listening and creative work, looking for small sources of hope and connection, developing coping strategies and a personalised safety plan, and working with what lies beneath the thoughts. NICE guidance on self-harm (NG225) emphasises compassionate, person-centred care and collaborative safety planning rather than checklist-led risk assessment. Support should be tailored to the young person and be part of a wider plan of care, and we aim to work in line with that. This work is always done alongside, never instead of, the medical and crisis support a young person may need.

A safety plan is put together with the young person and, where appropriate, their family. It can cover warning signs, coping strategies, trusted people, professional contacts and practical steps to make home safer. It is part of a wider plan of care, and never a substitute for urgent help if someone is in immediate danger.

We offer online counselling for children and young people, and we can provide a calm, consistent, compassionate space to explore difficult thoughts and the distress underneath them.

A clinical perspective from one of our counsellors

Becky Christian, NCPS (Accred), a Finding Therapy counsellor with experience in supporting children and young people experiencing suicidal thoughts, shares how she works in her sessions:

"For over 20 years, I've worked with children and young people across schools, local authority services, and charities, supporting those facing some of the most painful challenges. A significant part of my work has been with young people experiencing suicidal thoughts. These thoughts can emerge when life feels unbearable, when hope seems out of reach, or when painful feelings feel too heavy to carry alone. My role is to provide a safe, compassionate space where those feelings can be explored without judgement."

"When I first meet a young person who feels this way, my priority is to create safety and calm. This means understanding their distress and identifying any immediate concerns about their safety. Where further assessment or specialist support is needed, I work to make sure the young person and their family are connected with the right services. I know it can feel frightening to talk about suicidal thoughts, so I work at their pace, reassuring them that they don't have to share anything before they're ready."

"Alongside this, I focus on building trust: through listening, creative activities, and reliable consistency. Therapy isn't only about the thoughts themselves, but about the emotions, experiences, and pressures sitting beneath them. Together, we look for glimmers of hope, practise coping strategies, and take small steps towards reconnecting with life."

"The Finding Therapy platform can be especially helpful in this work. Creative and interactive tools give young people new ways to express feelings that might otherwise stay locked inside. We might map out "warning signs" that show when they're at risk, practise grounding and calming strategies in real time, or create a personalised safety plan they can use whenever things feel overwhelming."

"Sessions at home often help young people feel more comfortable, allowing them to practise strategies in familiar surroundings. Over time, I see some young people begin to notice small moments of calm, connection, or even joy again. Progress varies, and the support each young person needs is different."

"What I most want young people and parents to know is that suicidal thoughts don't define the future. Even when life feels unbearable, change is possible. With the right support, we can find ways to feel safe, to cope, and to build towards a life that feels worth holding onto."

Why online therapy can help

For young people who are not in immediate danger, online therapy can be a good fit. Many young people find it easier to talk about their darkest feelings from the safety and privacy of their own room, with the setting under their control, than in an unfamiliar clinic. The familiar environment also means coping strategies and safety planning can be practised where they will be used. Online counselling isn't right for every situation: where there is a significant risk to safety, a safeguarding concern, or a need for more intensive or specialist assessment, other support may be better.

Therapy delivered remotely to children and young people has been found to help with difficulties such as anxiety and behaviour problems ^[8], and for anxiety and depression in young people, technology-assisted CBT can work about as well as meeting in person ^[9]. Neither study looked specifically at suicidal thoughts, so this is general evidence about online therapy for young people rather than proof for this situation.

Finding Therapy is not a crisis service. If you are worried about your child's safety, use the NHS and crisis routes in this guide first.

Recovery: there is a way through

Suicidal thoughts are not a fixed state. They’re a signal of distress that has become unbearable, and distress, however overwhelming it feels, can ease.

Many young people find that their distress eases with the right support, especially when they have the space to talk about what is going on inside, and they go on to feel hopeful again. Recovery is individual and can include setbacks. If the thoughts come back or grow stronger, it is important to seek support again. Often, recovery looks like a young person who learns to recognise their warning signs, has a plan and people to turn to, feels less alone, and gradually reconnects with a life that feels worth holding onto.

With consistent support, reassurance, and the right help, many young people move forward. When distress feels overwhelming, it can be hard to imagine things changing. But feelings and circumstances can change, and no young person has to face this alone.

A final word

If you’re worried your child is having thoughts of suicide, it can help to remember a few things: paying attention matters; asking directly and calmly does not appear to cause harm and can help; you do not have to carry this alone; and there is genuine hope. With the right support, many young people who experience suicidal thoughts come through them.

Please use the helplines at the top of this guide, and contact your GP, whenever you need them. If you would like ongoing counselling support for a young person who is not in immediate danger, our counsellors are experienced in this work, alongside the medical and crisis services that some young people need. You can browse our directory of children's and young people's counsellors.

This is a hard subject to read about, especially if it is close to home. If reading this has been difficult for you, the Samaritans (116 123) are there for parents and carers too, at any time.